Foo-Foo Fighters:
Little Bunny Foo-Foo (the Bob Kiwi version)

Adapted from Little Bunny Foo-Foo (the slightly demented version), which was adapted from a skit presented in a Ted Johnson’s Drama III class in 1996, which was adapted from the original rhyme, which I’m certain was thought up in the middle of the night by some university student that had consumed too much sugar for their own good. The Slightly Demented version was given to me by an incredibly kind-hearted but nonetheless unsuspecting friend of mine. (I'm sorry, Mandi, Michelle. It just had to be done.)


2 Trees:                 Bobetta and Gracie
Narrator:               Iiwi
3-4 Stage Hands: Beak, Ferdie, Ferdia, and Squeaks
Bunny Foo-Foo:    Bob Kiwi
Good Fairy:           You’ll just have to read the skit to find that one out….


(Curtain opens; Bobetta and Gracie, dressed as trees, are stationed in back of stage.  Iiwi enters, holding a book.)

Iiwi:        We now present for your viewing pleasure, “Little Bunny Foo-Foo.”

(Bob enters, dressed in a bunny suit.)

Iiwi:        Little Bunny Foo-Foo, hoppin’ through the forest, scoopin’ up the field mice –

(Bob stops admiring his fluffy bunny tail and looks around helplessly.  No mice.)

Iiwi:        and boppin’ em on the head.  (Notices Bob at a loss.  Louder.)  I said – “Scoopin’ up the field mice!”

(Beak shoves Squeaks sprawling onto the stage.  Squeaks scowls, picks himself up, and darts back offstage.  A moment later, bananas with “Mouse” written on them are tossed onstage.  Bob looks at them curiously, then scoops one up.)

Iiwi:        (Raises an eyebrow at the “mice.”) …And boppin’ em on the head.

(Bob does so tentatively, then gets a little carried away, stomping on the bananas and throwing them around.  Beak screams in horror and rushes onto the stage brandishing his lightsaber to save his bananas; Bob dives to the far right and cowers in terror.  Squeaks and Ferdie rush out and wrestle the lightsaber away from Beak, who is handcuffed and lead offstage.  Ferdie recovers the smashed bananas and puts computer mice in their place, then scurries offstage.)

Iiwi:        A-hem.

(Bob uncovers one of his eyes and peers around.  Finding it safe, he gets back to his feet and dusts himself off.)

Iiwi:        Down came the Good Fairy –

Ferdie: (Offstage) Careful, careful, you’ve got it caught on the – (Snap!)

(The “Good Fairy” falls from above, landing with a splat on the stage.  Bobetta, Gracie, and Iiwi stare at the prone form for a moment; Bob leans over and pokes at it with his foot.  Ferdia pokes her head out from behind the stage.)

Ferdia:   Oops….

Ivan: (Groans, rubs bump on head) Hey!  That was a deliberate attempt on my life, detective!

(Ferdia shrugs and ducks back offstage.  Iiwi glances at Ivan’s fairy costume and stifles a laugh before continuing.)

Iiwi:        Down came the Good Fairy, and she (Ivan gives her a look that shoots daggers) – I mean, and he said:

Ivan:        (Shakes his head) I don’t believe I got talked into this….(sighs) Little Bunny Foo-Foo, I don’t wanna see you scoopin’ up the filed mice and boppin’ em on the head.  (Advances on Bob, who backs up) Now, I’ll give ya three chances, and if you keep it up, I’ll shoot ya.

Iiwi:        (whispering fiercely) Ivan!  Stick to the script!

Ivan:        I mean, - if you keep it up, I’ll turn you into a GOON!

(Bob nods frantically.  Ivan nods and stalks offstage, stopping to try to hit on Bobetta, who smacks him with a branch.)

Bobetta: As if!

(Ivan shrugs and exits.  Bob stands there for all of two seconds before he starts hopping around again.)

Iiwi:        Little Bunny Foo-Foo kept hoppin’ through the forest, kept scoopin’ up the field mice and boppin’ em on the head.

(Bob, discovering the computer mice are not Mac mice, begins bopping and stomping them accordingly.)

Iiwi:        And down came the Good Fairy…

(Ivan re-enters, this time astride a motorcycle, with the Sign Holder in a sidecar, and nearly runs over Bob, who dives out of the way.  Ivan cuts the engine and dismounts, handing the bike off to the Sign Holder – whose sign has “God Fairy” taped to it – and striding over to Bob.)

Iiwi:        And he said:

Ivan:        Little Bunny Foo-Foo, I don’t wanna see you scoopin’ up the field mice and boppin’ em on the head.  I’ll give you two more chances, and if you do it again, I’ll turn you into a goon!

(Bob drops the mouse.  Ivan nods curtly, gets back on the bike and guns the engine, speeding offstage.  Ferdie peeks onto the stage and scowls.)

Ferdie:   Those skid marks are gonna come right out of our security deposit….

Iiwi:        Little Bunny Foo-Foo kept hoppin’ though the forest, scoopin’ up the field mice….(She stops.  Bob hasn’t moved.)  Scoopin’ up the field mice…

(Bob sighs and picks up a mouse.  The bottom falls out, and the mouse ball smashes onto his foot.  Bob screams silently and fights to stay still.)

Iiwi:        And boppin’ em on the head.

(Bob bops the mouse listlessly.)

Iiwi:        Down came the Good Fairy, and he said:

(Ivan enters, seated in a sedan carried by Lita and the Sign Holder.  Lita, holding up the front of the sedan, trips and falls, sending Ivan tumbling head over heels onto the stage.  Grumbling, Ivan dusts himself off.)

Bobetta: Hmph.  Serves you right.

Ivan:        Little Bunny Foo-Foo, I don’t want to see you scoopin’ up the field mice and boppin’ em on the head.

(Bob, noticing Ivan is in the pressed suit that is his standard Mob attire, shakes his head, pointing at Iiwi frantically.)

Ivan:                (Stroking forehead in gesture of waning patience) Now, I’m gonna make you an offer you can’t refuse.  I’m givin’ ya one last chance, and if you keep it up, I’ll turn ya into a goon!

(Gets back on sedan.  Lita and the Sign Holder start to cart him offstage.  Lita slips on a mouse ball and loses her balance, and her attempts at regaining it only knock the Sign Holder off his feet.  They topple sideways, sending the sedan hurtling offstage.  Ivan’s shout is cut short by the sound of a crash, followed by muttered Italian curses.  Bobetta and Gracie snicker.)

Iiwi:        Little Bunny Foo-Foo kept hoppin’ through the forest, scoopin’ up the field mice…(She stops.  Bob stands with his arms folded.)  Scoopin’ up the field mice…

(Bob shakes his head vehemently, arms still folded.)

Iiwi:        It’s in the script.  (Another shake.)  You have to.  Please.

(Bob plops down on the stage, beak in the air.)

Iiwi:        I’ve heard kiwi tastes just like chicken…

(Bob jumps up and grabs a mouse.)

Iiwi:        Thank you.  (reading)  Little Bunny Foo-Foo kept hoppin’ through the forest, kept scoopin’ up the field mice and boppin’ em on the head.  (Bob bops mice accordingly.)  Down came the Good Fairy…

(Bob tosses the mouse away and dives behind Gracie, who kicks him.  He crouches behind Bobetta instead.  Ivan enters in a bathrobe and bunny slippers, sleepy, carrying a magic wand that looks a helluva lot like a taser.  He looks around for Bob.  Bobetta and Gracie shove Bob to the center of the stage.)

Ivan:        Little Bunny Foo-Foo, I thought I told you I don’t wanna see you scoopin’ up the damned field mice and boppin’ em on the head!  And I especially don’t take kindly to having to come down here at THREE IN THE MORNING!!!!

(Bob flinches.  Iiwi flips through the book, trying to figure out where that line came from.)

Ivan:        You disobeyed me three times, so now I’m gonna turn you into a GOON!

(He points the wand at Bob.  Lights flicker, Bob falls down backwards, and sparks fly from the wand, setting off the sprinkler system and drenching Bobetta and Gracie, whose leaves fall off.)

Gracie:   Aaaaa!  My hair!  He soaked my hair!

(Ivan stares at the wand and Bob in confusion.)

Ivan:        Oops.  (nudges Bob with his toe) Uh…warranty must’ve run out on me…

(Bobetta and Gracie, pissed off at their ruined costumes and make-up, start adancing on him.)

Ivan:        Uh-oh.

(Ivan runs off the stage, with Bobetta and Gracie close behind.  Iiwi takes center stage, stepping around Bob.)

Iiwi:        The moral of our story is – (reading) “A mouse in the hand is worth a goon in the bush.”

(Cast re-enters.  Bob sits up.)

All:         WHAT?!?

Iiwi:        Uh….that’s what it says.

Ferdia:   Who wrote this thing?

Bobetta: That’s it?

Bob:        I got zapped for this?

Ivan:        Forget that, I played a fairy for this?!?

Gracie:   (ringing out ruined hair) This was NOT in my contract!

Iiwi:        (backing away) Guys…come on….let’s all calm down now…

Ivan:        Forget the rabbit, let’s get her!

Bob:        That’s ‘bunny.’

Ivan:       Whatever.

Iiwi:        Uh… (backs away more) …That’s all, folks!

(Iiwi turns heel and flies off, dropping the book.  The cast runs after her.  As they leave, D’Gal  sneaks onstage and picks up the mice and the book.  He chuckles, opening the book.)

D’Gal:    Suckers.

(He exits the other way, still laughing to himself.)