Of Mice and Meetings III: Um…Where Were We, Again?
[The cast is milling around the meeting room, chatting about the weather, plotting world domination, munching on snacks, and commenting on the room's new carpet, wallpaper, and drapery. A fantastic buffet is arrayed around the room, resplendent with all manners of pastries, candies, chocolates, hors d'oeuvres, and other tasty goodies, courtesy of Bobetta's cooking staff. Newt has temporarily abandoned his post at the typewriter and is meticulously stacking chocolate truffles on a paper plate, a copy of The Wall Street Journal tucked under his arm. Gracie has staked out a corner of the pastry table and is busily grazing from it, reading – and, frighteningly enough, taking notes from - Maxim.]
Jennies: [bangs gavel] Okay, let's bring this to order. [no response] Take your seats, everyone. [no one moves] The snacks will still be there in an hour, people. [several cast members shuffle to their seats] *growls* Anyone not in their seat will be cast as extras in a Sailor Moon parody!
[There is a mad dash for the table. One might refer to it as a stampede, if one were inclined to make understatements. An impromptu parody of musical chairs ensues as the San Viano police department, the Bob Kiwi detective agency, and several warring clans of aliens scramble to find seats. Not surprisingly, there are several casualties. As the dust clears, Bob leaves his seat long enough to scrape Ferdie off the floor while Beak desperately attempts to hide several fresh lightsaber-burns and gashes in the table and nearby chairs. No one seems very interested in peeling Drake out of the Duck-shaped indentation in the far wall.]
Jennies: Right. Now we can come to order.
Iiwi: Or at least a lesser state of chaos.
Jennies: Whatever. Do I need to recap last meeting?
Ferdie: You mean like a play-by-play?
Jennies: I was thinking more along the lines of what we got done.
Ferdie: We had one helluva great food fight.
Jennies: You think so?
Ferdie: Well, it was great - right up to the point where you sent us that cleaning bill.
Bobetta: And I still say it was horribly wretched of you to make me pay for it all! After all, I didn't start the fight, and I wasn't even aiming for you!
Jennies: Oh, really?
Bobetta: I swear it!
Jennies: Then who were you aiming for?
Bobetta: …
Bob: Whoever threw that meatball at her!
Bobetta: Yes, whoever that ruffian was, I was aiming at him!
Bob: Or her.
Bobetta: Yes, or her.
Bob: Can't go ruling out things like that based on assumptions, after all.
Bobetta: Of course not.
Jennies: [waves] Excuse me? Not to interrupt, but I really don't care who did what in the fight. I'm not refunding your money, Bobetta.
Bobetta: [sniffles] You could at least have let me pick out the new carpet and wallpaper myself! I could have color-coordinated everything! It would have looked so pretty!
Jennies: [bangs head on table] Why did I take this job? Why, why, why?
D'Gal: [from back of room, in villains' section] Masochistic tendencies?
Jennies: NO!!! [throws gavel at him.]
[D'Gal ducks, and Drake, who has just extricated himself from the wall and is still staggering about the room, catches the gavel square in the forehead, knocking him onto his back. Cute little purple fluff daemons fly around his head in comic I-see-stars fashion.]
Jennies: [blinks] Then again…
D'Gal: [grins] Forget I said anything.
Ferdia: We will.
Iiwi: Can we have it struck from the records completely? Newt?
Newt: [through a mouthful of truffles] Hmm? Oh, should I be recording this?
Jennies: Moving right along…
Bob: I want to congratulate Bobetta on a job well-done. These are the best snacks we've had yet.
Bobetta: [beams]
Beak: I dunno, those cannoli things Ivan brought last time were pretty tasty…
Bob: [menacingly] Shut up, Beak…
Beak: But they were tasty!
Jennies: Okay, I'm moving on to the next topic, like it or not.
Ivan: [looks up from a set of devious-looking blueprints] Yes, please move on. Some of us have important things that need tending to.
Jennies: The world will still be there tomorrow, Ivan.
Ivan: True, but I like to stick to my schedule.
Jennies: [sighs]
Ferdia: And some of us have shifts we need to be on time for.
Squeaks: Some of us also like to be able to sleep before going to work.
Jennies: Ooooh, I could twist that so many evil ways…
Villains: But that's our job!!!
Jennies: I really think I need more sleep.
Squeaks: [mutters] That was my whole point…
Ferdie: I'm missing something.
Beak: I don't understand.
Ferdia: Don't worry about it.
Iiwi: Was there a point to any of this?!?
Jennies: Right. Point. Right. Um…oh, yes. Story progress.
All: We've made progress?!?
Jennies: [grabs nearest object and flings it down the table] YES, we've made progress! Is that so hard to believe?!?
[Unfortunately, Jennies had grabbed and thrown a newly-opened bag of Jelly Bellies, which burst apart the instant it slammed into the table, spilling hundreds of tasty gourmet jelly beans all over the place. The resulting melee is almost too violent for words.]
All: Jelly Bellies!!!! [collective dive onto table]
Iiwi: I call dibs on the root beers and strawberry daquiris!!!
Ivan: I call sours!! Touch them and die!
Ferdie: [shoveling handfuls of jellybeans into his mouth] Dr. Peppers are mine!
Bobetta: Are there any cotton candies or tutti fruitties?
Bob: Gimme the coffee ones!!
Beak: Do not fear, BaNAna jelly beans! I shall protect you!!!
Iiwi: Idiot! Turn that off!
Ferdia: Beak! Put the lightsaber away!
Ferdie: Save the recipes! I need more flavor combinations!
Squeaks: Wouldn't they all pretty much taste the same when you cram that many into your mouth?
Ferdie: [mouth full of jelly beans] Nhwt nephiphawhwy.
Jennies: [silently counts to ten]
D'Gal: [leaning on far wall] Want me to break them up? [thumbs over at mob on table]
Jennies: [blinks] … [look of profound confusion] Why are you, of all people, refraining from any opportunistic violence?
D'Gal: [characteristic smirk; holds up two fingers] Two reasons. One, they're all pitching the licorice-flavored ones behind them, so I've got a steady supply.
Jennies: O-kaaay…
D'Gal: And two… [indicates unconscious form of Drake and a newly-formed Duck indentation in the far wall]
Jennies: [sighs] Figures.
[The fighting and squabbling over jelly beans continues for almost an hour, before stomachaches and dwindling bean selection lead the combatants to return to their seats.]
Ferdie: [groans] Ooooh, my stomach…
Ferdia: Pig. We all saw you inhaling handfuls of beans. You'll get no sympathy from me.
Beak: I think I'm gonna be sick…
Bob: [hand on abdomen, looking ill] You know…that last one kind of tasted like codfish…
Beak: I know what you mean…one of mine tasted like liver…
Ferdie: I think I tasted spinach and snot in that last handful…..urk! [darts out of room]
Ivan: [pondering] You know, those flavors seem vaguely familiar….hmmm… [Casts a glance over at Lita and the Sign Holder. Lita is giggling uncontrolably and trying to hide behind a thick fantasy book; the Sign Holder is grinning like an idiot and hiding a brightly-colored cloth bag behind his back.]
Jennies: Well, I've never heard of them, and none of you ingrates saved me any root beers, so I'm just going to ignore all this suffering and continue on with the meeting.
Iiwi: So, how are the stories coming along?
Jennies: I'm hopelessly behind on The Search for Cuteness, Open Season, and Bob Kiwi: Buccaneer. But I am working on them. I just needed to get some short and pointless stuff out of my system first.
Galaxia: Short and pointless?!? You steal and publish my personal, private journal and then call it pointless?!?
D'Gal: Well, it was.
Galaxia: Barbarian! Who asked you!?!
D'Gal: I'm just making a valid point.
Galaxia: Well, you can take your so-called 'point' and shove it up your-
Jennies: O-KAY, now, hey, look at the time! We seem to have run over!
Ivan: [looks at clock] *Gasp!* Gotta go! Things to do, governments to overthrow, that sort of thing!
Ferdia: [groans] We're gonna be late.
Squeaks: Depends on how fast we drive.
Ferdia: Squad cars can't top Mach 1. [sighs] Well, maybe if we distract Vernon with a cherry turnover, he'll forget to check the clock…
Jennies: Yeah, well, better get going then. I'll try to have more info of substance next meeting.
Bob: [confused] Was there anything of substance in this meeting?
Jennies: Um…I'll get back to you on that. [Cast begins dispersing]
Bobetta: Did you like my snacks?
Jennies: Good job, Bobetta.
Drake: Any popcorn jelly beans left?
Jennies: Um…no.
Drake: Oh. All right. Hey, does anyone here have any asprin?
All: Nope.
D'Gal: [calls from outside room] I took it all.
Drake: You fiend! Give it here! [runs out of room]
[The sounds of a fight echo down the hallway, followed by reports of phaser fire and a loud Crunch! as a now-familiar Duck-shaped dent bubbles out of the wall. The individual responsible for forming that dent can be heard groaning as they slide down the wall. Snickering echoes further on down the hallway.]
Jennies: [muttering] And to think, I actually invite these people into my company…. [shakes head sadly] So, Newt, how about those minutes?
Newt: Hmm? Oh, terribly sorry, Jensios. I'm afraid I was so caught up in enjoying these heavenly truffles that I completely forgot to pay attention.
Bob: Newt, why are you our secretary? I mean, so far, you haven't managed to take any notes at any of our meetings. So why are you still our secretary?
Jennies: No one else wants the job.
Bob: Oh. Keep up the good work then, Newt.
Newt: Jolly good.
Jennies: Good night, all.