Part V

Can We Go Home Yet?
(You're never going to believe who saves the day…)

No! I absolutely refuse to be part of this story any longer. It has gotten way out of hand. What was suppose to be a simple spoof has now careened out of control; the author has abandoned us and you put the guys in drag!

Have a sense of humor, will ya?

I'm going on strike!

Fine! More insanity for me.

Hah! We'll just see about that.

Squeaks: So, what you're saying is, we can't change.

Bobetta: But you look so pretty!

Bob: Yes, dear, but it is difficult to instill fear into the heart of evil while wearing a corset.

Iiwi: Yeah, besides those designs are so five minutes ago.

Bobetta: WAAAAHHH!!!

Ivan: Now look what you've done.

Iiwi: I didn't realize you cared so much.

Bob: Villain! You shall never have my beloved fiancé!

Ferdia: Oh, get a grip, Bob.

Bobetta: WAAAHHH!!!

Iiwi: Oh, for crying out loud! Will someone please shut her up!

Ferdia: We could kick her off the Lita's back.

Bob: You wouldn't!?!?

Bobetta: WAAAHHH!!!

As you might have guessed by now, our heroes are currently riding the back of Lita the dragoness toward the mysterious island, where they hoped their journey would finally come to an end. Ivan was still miffed about the whole' squashed by a mace' thing, and the other guys were also feeling a little disgruntled, but for an entirely different reason. And it's not my fault.

Oh, lighten up. It's funnier this way!

Squeaks: So, why couldn't we change before we left the ground?

Ferdie: Because, conveniently, only Ivan seemed to remember to bring his old clothes along.

Squeaks: And why didn't the rest of remember our clothes?

Beak: Because they disappeared.

Squeaks: And why did they disappear?

Because this story would not be nearly as interesting otherwise?

Bob: Because Ivan is EVIL!

Squeaks: Uh-huh. Well, I don't know about anyone else, but I am seriously considering drowning myself.

Ferdia: Shouldn't be too hard, since you would just sink to the bottom anyway.

Ivan: My, my, aren't we in a mood.

Ferdia: Shut up, Ivan.

Ivan: Aw, are we a little upset because we didn't get to blow things up?

Ferdia: Shut up, Ivan.

Ivan: Gee, must have been frustrating to not be able to let off some of that pent up anger.

Ferdia: I swear the next person who says one word is going for a swim!

Drake: Indeed, sir. You are being quite unfair to Miss….AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! * sploosh *

Squeaks: That poor, stupid Duck.

Ivan: I'd say she illustrated my point nicely.

Drake: * drip * Quite. * drip *

Iiwi: You know, as interesting as all of this might be, it does nothing for preparing us for whatever is waiting on that island.

Ferdie: Yeah, well, you try and think clearly with your feet shoved into high heels.

Iiwi: Oh, cry me a river, your majesty. Do you know what it has been like to be stuck on the ground for this whole stupid story?

Sign Holder: I think I'm getting a bit air sick, just speaking personally. * urp *

Ivan: Keep your distance, kid.

Sign Holder: My apologizes, sir.

Squeaks: Ferdia, I would do almost anything right about now to have that cloak of yours.

Ferdia: Anything, huh? Gee, let me consider that one carefully…

Squeaks: Wait, I take it back!

Ferdia: Oh, pooh. You're no fun at all.

Beak: I am sensing a dark presence on that island.

Iiwi: Yeah, well, that ain't the only place.

Beak: No, something evil and sadistic.

Drake: No doubt that would be D'gal, come back to murder us…AAAAAAHHHHHH!!! * sploosh*

Ferdia: Oops. My foot slipped.

Squeaks: You sound so sincere when you say that.

Drake: * drip * Could you please * drip * not do that? * drip *

Beak: We are in grave danger if we continue on our present course.

Ferdie: It's not like we have a choice.

Bob: Not if we want to get home.

Bobetta: * sniff * I miss my mansion. And my butler. And my maids. And my feather-dresser. And my five-star chef. And my limo…

Ferdia: Does she have to do that?

Drake: Now, now, the poor thing is obviously distraught…AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! * sploosh*

Ferdia: Leg cramp. My bad.

Ivan: Uh-huh. We believe you

Drake: * drip * Stop It! * drip *

Bobetta: And my Mercedes. And my Porsche. And my country club. And my leer jet. And my horses. And my jewelry. And my island…

Ferdie: You have an island?

Bobetta: Certainly. You don't think I would sun bathe with commoners, do you?

For those of you who think there might be some sort of connection here to their present circumstances, there aren't. That would be way too easy!

Squeaks: Speaking of islands, I think we're beginning to descend.

Ferdie: Please keep your arms and legs inside the dragon at all times and thank you for flying Dustbunny Airlines.

Ferdia: Knock it off or you're going over, too.

Drake: Hey, why does he get a warn…AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! * sploosh *

Moving right along.


Upon reaching the island, Lita returned to her normal form…

…And Ivan ducked for cover. Behind Drake. Get it?

It's not funny when you have to explain it. After peeling Drake out of the ground, the group continued to follow the remains of the burnt trail through a jungle toward the center of the island…

And whatever dangers lay in wait for them. Dum-dum-dum!

Lita: Could we please take a break? I was the one who had to fly all the way here.

Ivan: Gee, did someone say something?

Sign Holder: Have a heart, sir.

Ivan: I'm a villain. A heart is not a prerequisite.

Iiwi: Let's just keep moving. The sooner we get through this, the soon we can leave this place for good.

Ferdie: When we get home, I'm not moving for a week.

Ferdia: Well, I'm sure Ma would love to have you around the house to help with Bink and Marie.

Ferdie: Shoot, there goes that idea. Anybody need a roommate for a week?

Squeaks: Maybe Newt needs a Guinea Pig for some experiments.

Ferdie: Oh, ho, ho. It is to laugh.

Beak: There is something very awful in this place.

Ferdia: Good, maybe I can blow it up.

Iiwi: Beak, stop worrying. I'm sure a group of sorcerers, a demon and a dragon can handle whatever is here. As long as Ferdie and Drake stay out of the way.

Ivan: We could use them as bait.

Ferdie: Hey! I'm the King! You can't do that. Oh, how my sweet daughter would mourn my loss!

Lita: Oh, barf.

Iiwi: Are you looking to die, bird brain?

Bob: I have completely lost hope for this fan fiction. No one will let me be the hero, we're lost, no one knows how we're actually going to get home, and…AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Iiwi: Bob! What is it?

Bob: DRAGON!!!

Ferdia: Yes, Bob. Lita is a dragon. We just rode here on her back. Talk about a short-term memory.

Ivan: And delayed reaction.

Bob: No… * points up * DRAGON!!!

Ferdie: Well, what do you know? A big, black dragon. Excuse me. A-hem. * cough * Ready? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The group looked up as Ferdie madly ran around in a circle. Indeed it was a huge dragon who opened its mouth and let out a deafening roar. It reared up on its back legs…

…And slammed one paw down firmly on Drake. Just because it's Drake.

Ivan: Hmm. Black, ill-tempered, and seems to have it in for Drake. Let me take a wild guess as to who this might be.

Squeaks: You can't be serious.

Bobetta: Oh, the horror! Someone catch me, I'm going to faint!

Bob wrapped his arms around Bobetta as she went down. But, unfortunately, she slipped through and hit the ground.

Bob: Oops. Butterfingers.


Ivan: Yes, yes. Ferdie is a coward. We get the picture. Ferdia, what are you waiting for? BLOW THE DAMN THING UP!

Ferdia: Finally, a worthy opponent.

Iiwi: Um, if that is D'gal, we kinda…

Ferdia: FIREBALL!!!

Iiwi: …Need him to get home. Crap.

Ferdia: FLAME ARROW!!!

Squeaks: Well, someone has been studying the guidebook to her character.


Bob: This really doesn't seem to be working…

Ferdia: DRAGON SLA… * muffled cries of protest as Ivan covers her mouth*

Ivan: Detective, I would like to point out two things to you. One, you have not done any serious damage to that creature, even with throwing everything but the kitchen sink at him. Two, the fact that your partner just screamed in a very unmanly fashion and dove for cover tells me we really don't want you to do whatever it was you were about to do.

Beak: This is not the source of the danger here…

Iiwi: Not now Beak. Geez, she didn't even put a dent in that thing.

Indeed, she had not. The creature was still intact and was rearing back again. NOT to step on Drake…

Boo! Hiss!

Instead, it took in a deep breath and shot down a column of flame.


But, no one was hurt. Fortunately Lita had transformed herself and jumped in the way to protect everyone. Well, maybe just Ivan and the Sign Holder. But since they were all together it just worked out.

For everyone except Drake, who caught a piece that went over Lita's tail and hit him full force. Hee-hee! Who likes their poultry well done?

Then the creature began to shrink down in size and, before their very eyes, transformed into D'gal. With green hair, a horn in the middle of his forehead, and a huge metal barrel.

The Evil Commander Charles D'gal/ Valgaav: And now for the 'Coup de Gras'.

And D'gal proceeded to dump the contents of the steel container onto Drake.

Squeaks: * dipping his finger in and tasting the red ooze * Hmm, duck flambé under currant jelly.

D'Gal: All ready for the Bagel buffet line. I'm trying to expand my culinary horizons.

Drake: This is no way to treat a Commander of the Duck Empire!

D'Gal: Really? Would you have preferred a mint glaze?

Ferdia: You are quite the comedian, D'gal. Nice horn, by the way.

D'Gal: Yes, well, being a demonic dragon is infinitely better than the swordsman I was originally slated as. Powers of mass destruction is always a bonus, even if they come with the odd protrusion.

Ivan: I've always thought so.

Iiwi: Oh, look. The villains are bonding. How cute.

Ivan: Don't make me smite you.

D'Gal: Though, I must admit, the bluebird's powers are quite formidable. I am rather intrigued what might have happened had you been allowed to cast that final spell.

Squeaks: It just might have been the 'final everything.' But that's beside the point. Now that we have you again, we should be able to go home now. Lita can just fly us back to ground zero and from there we contact Newt.

D'Gal: What's up with the dresses, by the by. Not that they aren't attractive…

Squeaks: Don't ask.

Ferdie: We beg of you.

Beak: Absolutely awful…

Lita: Oh, they're not that bad…

Bobetta: They're just lovely. I think it's nice the guys are so comfortable with themselves that they can dress so finely and not complain.

Sign Holder: How humiliating.

Iiwi: Not so sure about that, 'Not complaining' part.

Bob: Boy, would I like to get home and soak my dogs.

Bobetta: How crude!

Ferdia: He means his feet. Not that they smell any better.

Beak: But, I sense something…

Ferdie: Home. What a wonderful word.

D'Gal: Drat. Just when I was really starting to have some fun.

Beak: But there is something evil on this island…

Drake: Yes, D'gal is back. I think we are all every much aware of that development…AAAAHHHH!!!!!

D'gal shot out an energy blast that punted Drake about five hundred feet up in the air and exploded.

Et al: Oooh! Aaah!

The others watched as he arced through the clouds and crashed back down to the ground.

D'Gal: * evil grin * One for the road.

Ivan: If I were the road, I think I'd be insulted.

Iiwi: Can we leave now? Please?

Ivan: You're so cute when you beg.

Iiwi: I will hurt you.

D'Gal: Perhaps I could be of service?

Bobetta: At least there is one gentleman here.

Bob: But, darling, I said I was sorry!

Lita: I'm right there with you.

Ivan: Keep it up, Furlong.

Beak: Darkness is coming…

Ferdia: Oh, would you stop being so melodramatic. We'll be out of here before nightfall, no problem.

Beak: Evil…

Drake: D'GAL! You're going to pay for that!

D'Gal: You and what wormhole generator?

Beak: Coming…

Ferdie: Guys, I think Beak is broken. He looks more out of it than normal.

Drake: I demand satisfaction!

D'Gal: So do I, which is why I always do my best to hurt you in the most creative ways possible.

Drake: You black-hearted fiend!

Iiwi: He's beginning to sound like Bob.

Bob: Even I'm not that dumb.

Beak: Beware…

And with that, Beak passed out cold on the ground.

Ferdie: Well, this can't be good.

Ferdia: Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Iiwi: Okay, why is Beak unconscious?

Good question. What did just happen?

Nothing special. The horrifically evil being on the island with them just mentally overwhelmed him, that's all.

Ferdie: I'm sorry, but did the narrator just say, 'Horrifically evil being?'


Ferdie: Could you please define 'horrifically evil' for me?

You know. Slobbering, venomous, fangs, claws, blood-lust, spawn of hell, and other such fun attributes, type of creature. Standard 'out of your worst nightmares' sort of thing.

Ferdie: That's what I was afraid you meant. Okay, re-commencing panicking. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sign Holder: I vote we make a hasty exit before we run into this creature. With your permission, sir.

Ivan: Hang around and wait for a blood-thirsty beast, or high-tail it to safer ground. That is a toughie.

Bob: Not for me! All aboard the Dragon Express! After you, of course, my beloved.

Bobetta: Oh, Bob, you really are such a sweet thing.

Ferdia: Well, I'll stay and fight it. Bring it on!

Ferdie: SIS?!?

D'Gal: I like the way she thinks.

Squeaks: Swell. Two peas in a pod. But I am not going to be able to face your mother if I do not bring you home in one piece.

Ferdia: What is with people trying to protect me? Hello? Full-grown sorceress with ability to blow up large landmasses! I can tie my own shoes, and everything.

D'Gal: How about blowing up moronic Ducks with swollen heads?

Squeaks: Stop helping. Look, I am all for a fight, but there is a difference between the usual brand of thugs living in San Viano and what is supposed to be lurking here with us. That's just stupid!

Lita: I'll help you fight. I'm not afraid of some monster. I worked for Galaxia, after all.

Iiwi: Is anyone going to help me carry Beak? He's not exactly light in this get-up.

Ferdia: Squeaks, help Iiwi. Bob, take Bobetta, the Sign Holder and Ferdie and fly out of here with Lita. D'gal and I will stop whatever might chase us and I'll leave with him afterwards.

Lita: But…

D'Gal: No buts. You're the only one who can get them out of here safely.

Drake: Hey, what about me?!? Doesn't anyone care about me?!?

I would think by now the answer to that question would be obvious.

D'Gal: I have an idea for that…

Drake: Oh, no you don't!

Ferdia: Ivan, can we count on you to help fight this thing?

Ivan: Gee, as much as I would like to fight some monster, I like living a whole lot more. You and D'gal just go and have fun without me.

D'Gal: Just you and me, Bluebird. Think we can take it?

Ferdia: With your demonic powers and my black magic, how could we lose?

How indeed.

What? No smart-alecky comeback? No witty jab at my lack of imagination?

O-kaaay. Why am I by myself now?

Ferdie: Run away! Run away!

Squeaks: I just wish I knew what we were running from.

Bob: Does it really matter? Something bad is coming and you would like to spend time getting to know it?

Iiwi: It just doesn't make sense. Why would we be led all this way after the Clair Bible just to be thrown to some killer beast?

Ivan: Unless it was some sort of demonic decoy. Like a line of gingerbread leading right to the witch's oven?

Ferdie: There are witches here too?!?

Iiwi: I give up.

High above them, D'gal, in his normal form, was carrying Ferdia. She was trying to concentrate on a spell rather than the ground far below, should D'gal decide she had become boring.

D'Gal: I'm going to enjoy this.

Ferdia: Just be prepared to fly like you have never flown before.

D'Gal: Hopefully our distraction will work, since, technically, I have never done this before.

Ferdia: Just for the record, I think I should say that it probably wasn't nice to tie Drake to that tree down there. And putting that sign on him that says 'Monster food: tastes good alive or flat,' was a bit over the top, I think.

D'Gal: Just trying to be helpful. And, I would point out, you were the one who put the silencing spell on him when he started to protest.

Ferdia: No crime in being sick of listening to him.

D'Gal: Riiiight.

The others were now aboard Lita and gaining altitude. Beak started to regain consciousness, but was still groggy and incoherent.

Beak: Whrrmnt thenbery orhnm jerkerdy… * Translation: Error. Reboot. *

See. Even the translator has no idea what he is talking about.

I can't believe I'm going to say this, but… I'M LONELY!

Iiwi: Just take it easy, Beak. We're safe.

Ferdie: Like fun we are! How do we know this beast-thing can't fly?

Ivan: Brilliant. Now he points that out.

Squeaks: I'm sure Ferdia and D'gal can handle things.

Ivan: And if not, well, on the bright side, you probably are not going to have to explain to your bosses nearly as often why you have destroyed your squad car that day.

Squeaks: Go sit on a fireball, Ivan.

Ivan: Ooh, testy.

Squeaks: I should be up there with her. She's my partner!

Bob: But D'gal could only carry one person and still use his magic.

Squeaks: Doesn't make me feel any better. Maybe Ivan and I should fly up there and help.

Ivan: Fat chance.

Bobetta: A lady like me should never have been thrown into such circumstance.

Iiwi: Button it. Squeaks's right. We should help. If only I could fly!

Squeaks: If Lita could take us closer…

Ferdie: WHAT!?!

Bobetta: Oh, dear. I think I'm going to faint again.

Ferdie: We're all DOOMED!

Ivan: Hold on, Rock Boy. You and Redbird may want to save the day, but I think the rest of us should have a vote in this, too.

And so the matter was put to a vote, the results of which…

Ivan: Stupid democracy.

Iiwi: Don't be sore. Lita broke a tie vote and had as much right to vote her own mind as anyone.

Ivan: But she works for me!

Sign Holder: But you did fire her, sir.

Ivan: When I want your opinion, kid, I'll give it to you.

Squeaks: Everyone get ready. Those with magic better prepare spells.

Ivan: You just better not stand in front of me, Arcadia.

With that, Lita the dragon veered back toward the island and whatever danger was lying in wait.

D'Gal: Seems we have company.

Ferdia: What? Those idiots! What part of, 'Get the heck out of here,' didn't they understand?

Squeaks: The part that involves leaving the two of you to face this alone.

Ivan: Wasn't my idea to come back.


Iiwi: So, where's the monster?

D'Gal: Seems to be a no show.

Squeaks: You have got to be kidding me.

Ferdia: Yeah. Sucks, huh?

Ferdie: I think I need to change my pants.

Iiwi: Thank you for sharing.

Bob: Maybe we frightened it away? I know if I saw Ferdia looking like that I would head for the hills.

Squeaks: Her character does have a certain reputation.

D'Gal: Do tell.

Beak: Ooohhh…

Ferdie: Yeah. This place does not seem to agree with Beak. Maybe we should all leave. Now. Before the monster changes its mind and arrives to brutally slaughter us all.

Bobetta: How horrifying! Oh, darling!

Iiwi: Or before one of us decides to murder someone.

Ivan: Let's beat it.

Ferdie: Shouldn't someone go and get Drake.

Ferdia: * groan *

Narrator #2/ Beast Master Zelas Metallium: Not so fast!

HEY! Wait a dang minute! You can't do that!

Beast Master Zelas Metallium: You fools! You played right into my hands!

Bob: Um, isn't that one of the narrators?

Squeaks: This is bad.

Ivan: Thank you for understating the obvious.

Stop! Stop it right now!

Beast Master Zelas Metallium: This is my island and the home of my wolf monsters! We have waited some time to take advantage of such an imbalance in the magical forces to gain power over this world! And you have delivered to us the means to do so! Once I absorb the power of Lina Inverse, and consequently that of the Dark Lord Shabranigdu, I shall be unstoppable!

Bob: Oh, bad. Oh, bad, bad, bad.

Ferdie: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Who's 'Shaberdingo?' AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Iiwi: Any suggestions?

Ferdia: I…

Squeaks: That don't involve trying to blow her up?

Ferdia: * pphhbbtt *

D'Gal: We feed her Drake and see if the indigestion kills her?

Ivan: Nice, but we do need him alive. Unfortunately.

Beak: Evil…

Iiwi: Yes, Beak. You were right, we know.

That's it! I've had enough! You want a fight? This means WAR!!!

Squeaks: And now it's about to all hit the fan.


Beast Master Zelas Metallium: Yes! Time to DIE!!! MWWWWAAAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

And then in the distance, a terrifying sound was heard!

Beast Master Zelas Metallium: That would be my wolves now!

That's what you think!

Ferdia: What is that sound?

Bob: I don't wanna die! Darling, hold me!

Bobetta: Dearest! WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

Squeaks: AAARRRGGG!!! My ears!

Beak shot upright.

Beak: EVIL!!! It's coming!

Sign Holder: It's been good working for you, sir.

Ivan: Hold that thought, kid. I'm not going down just yet. Not in this sorry excuse for a fanfic.

Beast Master Zelas Metallium: No! What is happening?!?

You're about to get what you deserve!


Iiwi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ivan: * plugging up ears * Brushing up on our Ferdie impression, are we?

Beast Master Zelas Metallium: NO! THIS CANNOT BE!!! I CANNOT BE DEFEETED!!!


Beast Master Zelas Metallium: NOOOOOO!!!! NOT LIKE THIS!!!!


Ferdia: * plugged up ears * I'm not sure if I'm going to survive this !


Squeaks: * plugged up ears * WE WISH WE COULD!


Beast Master Zelas Metallium: I'm MELTING!!! I'm MELTING!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…………. oh, what a world…………..

Hah! Take that! Teach you to meddle with my story!


Bobetta: * plugged up ears * Gracie, dear! You can stop now!

Gracie: Ooohhh-HOHOHO… Oh, oui. Excuse, Mademoiselle Bobetta.

Ferdie: * plugged up ears * I'M DEAF!

Ivan: Take your fingers out of your ears, genius.


Ivan: Snap out of it, Redbird. It's just Bobetta's dumb maid.

Beak: Oh! The horror!

Bob: Relax, Beak. Gracie beat the monster.

Beak: What monster?

Ferdia: I think it's time to get home. That bikini Grace is wearing doesn't look like it's going to stay PG for very long.

Ferdie: You think!

Iiwi: Oh, no you don't! I'm with Ferdia; it's time to leave. Gracie is seriously freaking me out.

So all's well that ends well. The group packed up to go, confident that they now had everyone needed to leave this world.

Squeaks: Guys, don't for get Drake.

D'Gal: Damn. I was hoping you wouldn't remember.

And, with Drake in tow, they pack aboard Lita's back and flew off to where this whole misadventure began.

Ferdie: What about the Clair Bible? We never found it.

Ferdia: Screw it. Let 'um find their own stupid bible.

Bob: We did stop that monster from killing Ferdia and taking over the world. That was heroic.

Iiwi: Hip-hip-hooray for us.


Squeaks: Don't you think you should take that spell off Drake?

Ferdia: Why? He's more tolerable this way. And I'm less likely to kick him into the water.

D'Gal: Actually, we're over terra firma now. But don't let that stop you.


Bob: Are we there yet?

Ferdie: Don't make me turn this dragon around. You should have gone before we left.

Iiwi: I think I'm going to take a long vacation in the Bahamas when this is over.

Squeaks: Can I be packed into your luggage?

Iiwi: No, it bites.

Squeaks: Not asking.

Iiwi: Not telling.

Ivan: Well, all in all, this whole adventure has been thoroughly unprofitable. Except for possible blackmail material.

Ferdia: Who would believe you?

D'Gal: I'm almost going to be sorry to give up these powers. Do you have any idea what I could do to the Invisible Ducks? I would crush their empire into the ground.

Ivan: Literally.

Ferdia: I could become the most feared cop in San Viano.

Ferdie: You already are.

Ferdia: Oh, yeah.

Bobetta: Oh, Gracie! How I have suffered with these ruffians!

Gracie: Oh, oui, mademoiselle. Do tell.

Bobetta: Well, first I arrived in this horrible outfit…

Iiwi: Like it's any better now. Can't Lita fly any faster?

Ferdie: I think we're almost there. Not that I'm going to look down to check.

Squeaks: We are. I can see the temple in the clearing.

Ferdia: You know, I should burn the place down for giving us that stupid talisman.

Iiwi: Technically, we stole it.

Ferdia: With every intention of giving it back!

Ivan: That'll stand up in court.

Bob: I can't wait to go home. I swear I will work on anything the Jennies wishes after this.

Beak: I think that is a very dangerous promise to make.

And now we come to the end of our tale. Lita landed in the clearing where Ferdia and Squeaks first started from, and they quickly contacted Newt.

Newt: Grac…sounds like…had a wild…I am …to bring you…now…Hold…something and prepare….trans…

With that, there was a brightly colored explosion that engulfed the area. Then the world returned to what it should be, especially since they were standing in Newt' lab and wearing their normal clothing.

Ferdie: HOME! *starts kissing the floor *

Iiwi: Finally!

Ferdia: So much for trying out my new powers on Vernon.

Squeaks: I'm not sure how we are going to explain what happened.

Ivan: I say we never speak of this again. Ever.

Lita: Can I have my job back then?

Sign Holder: Please?

Ivan: Oh, geez. Not the eyes.

Bob: Well, at least it's over now.

Drake: Not quite. There is still the little matter of D'gal being under arrest for high treason against the Duck Empire.

Beak: Oh, no.

D'Gal: You want to pick up where we left off, Dum-ass?

Drake: DU-MAS!!!

And the two began to fight again, while everyone else began to dive for cover. The sparks started to fly and Newt screamed to watch out for his recently built Transdemensional-Transmogrifier.

Squeaks: Here we go again.

Ferdia: Catch ya on the flip side. Wonder what powers I'll have this time?


…or IS IT?!?

Run Away! Run Away! | Onwards and Sideways to the Epilogue!
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