Ferdie da Birdie: "Walter's Big Problem."
Guest-Starring Walter the Sparrow
Ferdie: Hello, I am Ferdie da Birdie and this is my cousin, Walter the Sparrow.
Ferdie: We live in the middle of a city, in New York's City Park. I live here the entire year, but Walter flies South in the winter. Today is November 17th, and he must go South now.
Walter: But I can't do that. I have a big problem. I'm ashamed to say that I can't fly. That's my problem.
(*Author's note: Don't ask me how he made the trip before. Maybe he went on airliners. I don't know. I have no clue why Ferdie's in NYC, either. Maybe he went to college or a high school study abroad program??)
Ferdie: That's terrible! Are you sure you can't fly?
Walter: Yes, pretty sure. I've tried and I've tried, but I just can't do it.
Walter: (sob!) I'll NEVER get South! I'll freeze to death!
(*Yes, I know, 'will' is German for 'want'. I didn't know that at the time. Still, if you translate it directly, it's fairly entertaining. I never want to go South! I want to freeze to death! ahaha
Ferdie: Don't be like that, Walter. You will fly, because I'm going to help you.
Walter: (sniffle) You will?
Ferdie: Yes, I will. I'm an expert on flying.
(*Let's pause for a moment to laugh heartily at this, shall we? What's that old adage again? Those that can't do
teach. My parents are teachers, so normally I hate that phrase
but it fits so well here
Walter: (peering over edge of branch high above the ground) Are you sure this is going to work?
Ferdie: (shrugs) Yeah, mostly.
Walter: (alarmed) Only MOSTLY?!?
Ferdia: Of course.
Walter: (folds arms stubbornly) Then I'm not going to do it.
Ferdia: (rolls up 'sleeve') Oh yes you will, Walter!
Ferdie: (shoves Walter off branch)
Ferdie: (shouts after plummeting Walter) You'll thank me for this, Walter, when you can fly!
Walter: (still screaming) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
Ferdie: (jumps off branch) Here I come!
Walter: (off panel, but still screaming)
(*I would like to take a moment to point out that I cannot see Ferdie voluntarily jumping off a branch that high up without some absolutely, Earth-shatteringly huge motivating force, like an approaching meteor or incoming missile or trained sniper or something like that. But we'll let that slide, shall we?)
Ferdie: (catches up to still-screaming Walter) You have to flap your wings, Walter!
(*Kindly ignore the fact that their arms have magically transformed into wings. Maybe this whole comic is a dream. That certainly accounts for the ease with which the fabric of reality is being warped each passing panel
Walter: (stops screaming) What?
Ferdie: Flap you wings!
Walter: (beats wings. Behold the many uses of 'Schlag,' which in these circumstances mean 'flap'.)
Walter: (beating wings furiously something Ferdie doesn't seem to have to do
) I'm flying!
Ferdie: Yes, but we're still going down
Walter: (looks down) Oops.
(*Why don't they just fly up? Because I've got a Mack truck here, and I need to fit it through a plothole SOMEWHERE
(The two disappear into the thick canopy of the park's trees. Evidently Ferdie picked a rooftop garden as the starting point of Walter's flying lesson. Or the laws of space/time could be being blatantly brushed aside again
(Ferdie and Walter land with a 'Thud!' in a bird's nest. Yes, 'Dumpf!' roughly translates to 'Thud!')
Walter: We've landed.
Ferdie: I noticed.
Walter: We're in a nest.
Ferdie: I noticed that, too.
Red Bird: (chases them away) Get out of my nest!
(*Let me take a moment to say that this is not Iiwi. Not. Iiwi. Definitely not. I don't know who it is, but this comic is far too old for it to be Iiwi, and even if it wasn't, it *still* wouldn't feature Iiwi.)
Red Bird: (settles into nest) Crazy boys!
Ferdie: (propped up in grass) So, Walter, now that you can fly, are you going to fly South?
(*Ah, yes, so nice to see that, even in this distorted mockery of reality, Ferdie can still be incredibly dense. Kindly ignore the fact that while Ferdie's wings have reverted to arms, Walter's are still present.)
Walter: (shakes Ferdie's hand. This is made difficult by the fact that he still has wings.) Yes. Later, cousin!
Walter: (flies away)
Red Bird: Get over here, young man, so I can yell at you! I'm very angry with you!
(*Why is she angry? I don't know. Maybe the guys tracked dirt into her nest or something.)
Ferdie: (Flying. Now we know it must be a dream, because Ferdie most definitely CAN NOT fly.) Walter! Wait for me! I'm flying South too!
Walter: Why? I thought you stayed here year-round
Ferdie: I've changed my mind!
Walter: Why'd you change your mind?
Ferdie: (looking behind him) I have this big problem...
Red Bird: (flying after them) Get Back Here!!!
(*Final Note: Now that I've translated this and you've read it, let us never speak of it again.)