The pilot's voice comes in over Ivan's wrist communicator, informing them that the pre-flight preparations are complete. The group boards the jet and begins seating themselves in its plush interior.
[The plane's engines rev up and it rolls out the hangar. It taxis down the runway a bit, then begins to pick up speed as the pilot releases the throttle. It clears the group of squad cars by the crime scene by little more than 20 feet.]
[Evening. The sun sets slowly through the palm trees to the west. Ivan's plane lands on one of the hotel's private landing strips, deploying a drag chute. Group disembarks and heads toward the hotel.]
Bob: [looking at drag chute] Hey, why did the plane need a parachute?
Ferdie: Never mind that, Bob. Why does the hotel have a big gaping hole in one side?
[All look at Ivan….and Iiwi]
Ivan: Hey, don't look at me, it's not part of their regular décor!
Iiwi: Looks relatively new.
Ferdia: Any idea what section that was?
Ivan: Um...Looks kinda like it was the presidential suites.
Iiwi: [surveying damage] Whoa. Hope he was out.
Squeaks: Hope who was out?
Iiwi: The Artist. Deals mostly in the sale of art and artifacts on the black market.
Ivan: Hey, wasn't he supposed to be meeting with Rodney Roader this afternoon?
Iiwi: Yeah...
Bob: Wait a minute! Who's the other guy?
Ferdia: Roader? Local boss-man trying to carve out a section of eastern downtown for his "organization."
Squeaks: We think he's into everything...gambling, drugs, "protection," etc. Doesn't mind doing things violently...he's started several gang wars, ordered a bunch of local hits, including some high-ranking businessmen that turned down bribes.
Ferdia: Yep, one nasty little piece of scum. Especially because we don't have enough evidence to arrest him, let alone enough proof to convict him.
Bob: So you think he might have been responsible for one of last night's murders?
Ferdie: Probably. However, if he was in that room, whether or not he ordered the hits may be a moot point.
Group enters hotel. Ferdia and Squeaks' presence causes most of the lobby occupants to either scurry away or draw their weapons. The cops do the same, going back-to-back.
Ivan: [stepping in between some of the lobby occupants and the two cops] Relax, they're with me. [Some lower their guns slightly. Most narrow their eyes in suspicion.]
Iiwi: And me. [More lower weapons, mob begins to disperse. Ivan raises an eyebrow at Iiwi.]
Ivan: Tell me again you don't come here often.
Clerk: Ah! Sir, madam! Nice to see you both! Your usual rooms?
[Iiwi suddenly becomes engrossed in preening her wing]
Ivan: How 'bout four adjoining rooms, instead?
Clerk: [somewhat confused] Okay...[as Ivan takes the keys] What are they doing here?! [nods at Ferdia and Squeaks]
Ivan: Giving us a hand with something.
Clerk: Since when do you associate with cops?
Ivan: [ignoring comment] When'd the pres. suite get its panoramic view? [hands clerk a bill]
Clerk: [pocketing bill] About an hour or so ago. [Ivan waves another bill] During their meeting. [Another bill. Clerk shakes his head sadly] Dunno who.
Ivan: [lays small stack of bills on counter] Keep me posted. [to group] C'mon, guys.
Ferdie: Anybody interested in getting something to eat? I'm starving.
Bob: Yeah, we haven't eaten all day!
Ferdia: You had a sandwich at Joe's.
Bob: Okay, so we haven't eaten since lunch. I'm still hungry!
Ivan: Eh, why not? Food here's usually decent.
[Group enters adjoining diner, sits at table. A waiter cautiously approaches them.]
Waiter: Can I get you anything?
Ivan: Yeah, one of everything.
Waiter: Anything to drink with that?
Bob: Coffee!
Waiter: Sorry, we're out. [departs]
Bob: No coffee?! But I need coffee!
Iiwi: [pushes small pitcher towards Bob] How about some de-coffenated coffee, Bob?
Bob: Okay. [takes pitcher, starts drinking]
Ivan: [to Iiwi] Did you just give him creamer?
Iiwi: Yeah. So?
[The food arrives and the group begins to eat. After dinner, they depart to their rooms. As they'd brought no bags, they disperse to do some quick investigating. In the morning they regroup in one of the rooms.]
Ferdia: [frowning] Ceiling's caved in near the suite. We can't get near it.
Squeaks: [also not happy] The rooms beneath it are sealed off, and guarded.
Bob: [smiling] There was a mint on my pillow.
Ferdie: How come we got four rooms if each room has two beds?
[The two get LOOKs from the rest of the group. Then attention turns to Iiwi.]
Iiwi: [shrugs] I took a nap.
[Squeaks mutters something under his breath.]
Iiwi: Well I was tired! Besides, now that you're all here, and the sun's up, let's go outside. You can be my lookouts while I fly up to the suite.
Group exits hotel, once again getting vicious looks from other occupants.
Ivan: [to Ferdia and Squeaks] You know, we're gonna need to get you two some plainclothes before you get shot.
Squeaks: Whatever. [sweeps area with infrared binoculars] All clear.
[Iiwi flies up to the suite, perches on edge of floor, looks around, goes inside.]
Ferdie: Hey, Squeaks, don't those things only work at night?
Squeaks: Not these. They measure the strength of sunlight in the area, then automatically subtract it from their readings and filter it out.
Ivan: Pretty neat toy.
Ferdia: Tough, too. We've had them a week and haven't broken them yet.
Iiwi: [over radio] Well, I think I've found the Artist and Roader. And somebody else. I think. But I'm just counting arms here...
Ferdie: [turning green] Thank you so much for that pleasant mental picture.
Iiwi: I don't want to alarm anyone here, but it doesn't look like this explosion came from inside the suite...
Ferdia: Agreed. There's very little debris down here, and most of it's directly below the suite.
Ferdie: So, you're saying something hit it? Like what?
Bob: A missile!
Squeaks: Exactly. Glad you picked up on that, Bob.
Bob: No, that's not what I meant! [points] It's a MISSILE!!!
Group turns to see a missile streaking towards the hotel. Screeching, Iiwi dives out of the suite. The hotel is hit two floors below and to the left of the first hole and starts a structural collapse of the top four floors. It loses the rest of its floors to the fireball and shockwave following the missile's detonation. The group is thrown to the ground by the shockwave; Iiwi, still in the air, is tossed head-over-heels and knocked to the ground.
Ferdie: Yeah, THIS was a great idea! I've always wanted to get blown away by a cruise missile!
Bob: Weep! They're trying to kill us!
Ivan: Oh shut up. It didn't hit anywhere near where our rooms were. You okay, Iiwi?
Iiwi: [lying face-up in the field near the runway] Sure, just gimme a minute for my bones to knit...
Ferdia: I'm getting this sinking feeling that this wasn't just your typical hit.
Squeaks: So am I. That was definitely NOT the type of hardware crime bosses usually have access to. THAT was a military missile.
Ivan: How do you know?
Squeaks: [shrugs] I know military when I see it. These binoculars are also a camera, so we can trace its serial number.
Bob: So why is the military shooting at a civilian hotel?
Iiwi: [landing limply near the group] They're not. It looked like an old missile someone bought off the international market.
Ferdia: Okay, so who else was at the hotel?
Iiwi: We'd have to check the registry.
Ferdie: Yeah, well, not to rain on the parade, but wouldn't the registry be inside that burning pile of rubble up there?
Bob: [looking at burning building] I am NOT going in there.
Ivan: You might not have to. [tackles staggering clerk] Hello again. Mind telling me who else was staying here?
Clerk: Nobody! At least, nobody that stayed after the first explosion and the arrival of your two badges!
Iiwi: This one hit three floors down and on the left. Who was staying there?
Clerk: Some guy named Pyro...I think. [Ivan lets him up; clerk runs away]
Squeaks: And just who is Pyro?
Ivan: Works for Ozzie Oswald.
Iiwi: Ozzie's a...businessman...of sorts.
Ivan: Ha! He's a pirate!
Ferdia: A pirate of what?
Ivan: Anything. Especially if it's expensive or traveling over water.
Ferdie: THIS HOTEL IS FIVE MILES INLAND!! IT'S NOT OVER WATER!!!
Bob: Isn't there a pirate code saying pirates can't steal from each other?
Iiwi: [shrugs, shaking her head] Used to be.
Ferdia: What are you getting at?
Bob: If he worked for a pirate, he was also a pirate. Maybe he stole something from his boss.
Ferdie: Yeah! That first missile! And it took this Oz guy a couple of hours to realize it and launch the second at this Pyro guy!
Squeaks: That's probably the best bit of detective work you two have ever done. But can you prove it?
Iiwi: Well...I suppose we could go talk to Ozzie...
Ivan: Hmmm...he does live on one of the islands around here...
Squeaks: Oh, no. We're not going anywhere else without more evidence than that to go on.
Bob: I'll ask my friend if he can track where they came from. [into wrist communicator] XYZPDQ, this is Danger Kiwi. Do you copy?
Ferdia: [to Ferdie, who shrugs] I'm not even going to ASK...
Newt appears on the screen of the communicator, seated in front of a computer screen. "as you can see, the trajectory of the missile, as observed by you, coupled with its operating range, indicate that it originated at approximately here [points to a small island], Pika Island. Given its optimal cruising speed, the missile was probably launched approximately fifteen minutes ago. This type of missile, while old and outdated, is fairly accurate, with a margin of error of approximately 15 square feet. Its usual payload is..."
Bob: [interrupting Newt] Okay, copy. Danger Kiwi out.
Ferdie: I am NOT flying to an island with a missile-packin', trigger-happy pirate on it!
Ivan: Neither am I. Ozzie and I aren't exactly on friendly terms.
Iiwi: Oh? What'd he steal from you?
Ivan: I'd...rather not say...
Bob: We can take the Danger Boat! I just so happen to have lent it to someone here!
Group walks along pier in a run-down part of the town. They approach a leaky, battered rowboat.
Bob: Behold, the mighty Danger Boat!
Ivan: That?! That's a dingy!
Bob: Ooooooooooh! You are gonna get yours!
Ferdie: Give it up, Bob, we all know Bobetta sank her yacht last month.
Bob: The Danger Boat is NOT a yacht! It is a speedboat!....It's just not here, that's all.
Ivan: Uh-huh.
Squeaks: We could always rent a boat...
Iiwi: [sighing] Yeah, but Ozzie'd probably blow us out of the water just for fun...
Ivan: [coughs] Ahem! [All turn to him] I, uh, happen to have a, uh...ship...we could use...
Ferdia: Yeah? And what's to stop this pirate form blowing it up?
Ivan: It's not a, er, surface ship...