Ferdie da Birdie in "Real Life High School!"

Ferdie: Scary!

Ferdia: (waves) Hi everybody! I'm waiting for my bus. I could let Ferdia drive me, but I don't think he car was designed with a cruising speed of Mach 1 in mind. Plus, I love listening to our neighbors fight at the bus stop.
Neighbors: Why, you *@$#!! Oh yeah, you $#@#&^!!

On The Bus…
Ferdie: (leaning back in seat) This is what a real high school bus sounds like. No fights. No paper airplanes. Just morning sleepers and afternoon chatterers. Our bus driver, on the other hand, is an evil hellbird. We're pretty sure she escaped from an institution!

In Shop Class…
Red Bird: (tail caught in band saw) Ferdie! Turn off the saw! Turn if off! Turn it off!!!
Ferdie: (not paying attention) Huh?
Teacher: (off panel) Now, class, always pay attention while operating machinery, and NEVER swing the hanging electric outlets.
Yellow Bird: (as hanging electric outlet swings by and whacks into someone) Hey, let's go put this pencil in the vise!
Purple Bird: (doing handstand w/ pencil on beak) Like my balancing act?

In Chemistry…
Ferdie: Look! If I put blue crystals on my scoopula, I can make a green flame!
Purple Bird: Ferdie! Let me try!
Red Bird: Awesome!
Orange Bird: (indicating smoke coming off green flame) Do you guys realize that gas is toxic?
Yellow Bird: (prepares to hurl a beaker) Flying beakers across the room!

In German Class…
Teacher: Sprechen Sie Deutch?
Ferdie: Er…uh…No Habla Espaniol.
Red Bird: Psst! Ferdie! She asked if you spoke German!
Purple Bird: And you answered her in Spanish!

In Algebra…
Teacher: Now, after we pinpoint X's place on the graph, what do we do next?
Ferdie: Dig until you find the treasure!
Purple Bird: (cringes) I'm surrounded by idiots…
Orange Bird: (playing games on calculator) Hmm…TI82's have a decent set of games….but TI85's have more!

Also in Chemistry…
Teacher: (running from building as lab explodes) RUN!!!
Ferdie: (singing) Now more school, no more books...

During Lunch…
Ferdie: (nervously) My meatloaf's growling at me...
Red Bird: (grappling with indefinable object) Lucky! Mine's trying to kill me!
Purple Bird: Hey, I heard that last week's mystery meat was Alex!
Yellow Bird: (struggling as growling cafeteria food attempts to pull him into food tray)
Purlpe Bird: (indicating Yellow Bird) Eeek! It's got him!

In Latin Class…
Teacher: …And there were guppie remains all over the boys, the floor, me…
Ferdie: (to figure in toga) Quo Vadis? [* “Where are you going?” ]

In Aquatics…
Teacher: (blows whistle) C'mon, just jump already!
Ferdie: (on high dive) I can't do it!
Purple Bird: Why?
Red Bird: He can't swim.
Orange Bird: That may pose a problem.
Pink Bird: (by poolside) I'm worried.
Yellow Bird: Yeah, Phil's been down there for ten minutes. I don't think anyone can hold their breathe that long…

After School…
Ma: How was my baby today?
Ferdie: I'm not a baby anymore, Mom!....Oh, and tomorrow, will you cut the crusts off my sandwich and make it in little squares?

The End?
Ferdie: (shrugs) I'm just glad nothing unusual happened today…


Ferdie da Birdie Presents: MORE Real Life High School!
Now Featuring the Time Between Classes!

The Cafeteria in the Morning…
Ferdie: (working on homework) What did you get for number twelve?
Red Bird: Twelve? I'm not even up to number four yet!
Off Panel: Heads up, Table Five! Algebra homework coming at ya for only $19.95!
Orange Bird: Doesn't anyone EVER do their homework?!?
Ferdie: Nope.
Orange Bird: (indicates Green Bird, who has been asleep every panel so far) Is he ever awake?
Ferdie: Never.
Purple Bird: Hey, has anyone else noticed the Chalk Outline?!?

At Lunch…
Joe: (fighting Ed and Fred) Spill MY milk, will ya?!?
Frank: Oh yeah? Take (oof!) that!
Yellow Bird: What happened?
Red Bird: Ed spilled Joe's milk on Frank's lunch.
Purple Bird: Shouldn't we get a teacher?
Ferdie: You're new here, aren't you?
Orange Bird: Get 'im, Joe! Kill 'im, Frank!

In Class Exchange…
Blue Bird: (crushed against row of lockers by sea of students) Ow…
Ferdie: You should know better than to try to get into your locker now!
Joe: Don't think I'm not gonna get you, Ed.
Ed: *Ulp!*

In the Stairwell…
Purple Bird: Wow. Did he really fall all three stories?
Ferdie: Oh boy, poor Ed. Was is Joe or Frank?
Red Bird: Joe. Frank said something about forgetting his freshman buddy in his locker.
Yellow Bird: (dangling over rail) Lookit all the blood!

On the Roof…
Ferdie: (tosses old computer off roof in “Physics experiment”) It's great to see they finally found a good use for these old Apple IIe's!
Red Bird: Yeah, won't our rivals in TJ be surprised! I've got this catapult rigged to pitch the monitors right into their football field!
Yellow Bird: (readies catapult) Fire one!
Teacher: (on ground) Hey! Stop that! (computer hits him) Ow!

When the 2:50 bell rings…
Ferdia: (bursts through doors ahead of throng of stampeding high school students) FREE! FREE! Ahahahahaaa!!! (trips on his way down the stairs)

Ferdie: (bandaged and on crutches from his fall down the stairs) Heh. I guess that's why there's always at least one high schooler on crutches!