A Collaborative Effort: Part 9
"Baldric, you wouldn't know a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on top of a harpsichord singing 'Subtle Plans Are Here Again'."
--BlackAdder
“I’m counting twenty guards, all armed with at least a semi-automatic, including spare clips,” Thera reported from her vantage point by the air vent.
“Oh, is that all? Ought to be a walk in the park then,” Ferdia replied sarcastically. She pointed at her partner. “You take ten, I’ll take ten, Miss Guns up there gets Periwinkle, and Locke handles the hostages.”
“A plan worthy of Custard himself,” William muttered.
“Hey, he put up quite a fight before he died.”
“I think you’re missing the point.”
“What we need is a good distraction,” Thera cut in before her partner could get started. “Something that could get Periwinkle off his little ‘look at me, I’m king of the world’ platform and within reach.”
“Reach of who, the guards with the big guns?”
“If we could get Leah loose, she’d help,” William put in.
“Beak as well,” Squeaks added. “Plus Ferdie’s panicking could trip a few of the guards up.”
“Leave my brother alone.”
“I only say it because it’s true.”
“So it’s six against twenty instead of four. We still need that initial diversion to get their attention away from both the hostages and the door. Got another one of those handy little gadgets, detective?”
“Unfortunately, no. Besides, we’re trying to save them, not incinerate them.”
“Or melt them into the background,” Ferdia threw in.
“However,” he continued with a Look, “if one of us could get to that control panel in the corner, he or she might be able to disable the security system and seal the doors.”
“I vote for the mouse with military training,” Ferdia grinned.
“And I vote for the sneak thief.”
“AND *I* vote for the only one who can fit through the airshaft,” Thera snarled. “Unless you want me to remove a few inches. Any takers?”
“You really know how to kill a mood.”
“Good. Quit sulking and be ready.”
************
“So how does this formula work, again?” Joseph babbled, nervously juggling a few dirty beakers.
“It doesn’t, cousin, remember? We couldn’t get it to work. Not that Periwinkle will ever believe us.”
“So how do we make it appear to work?”
“Tell him we think we’ve got it, then lure him close enough to blow him up?”
“Oh, yes, because that worked so well the first time.”
“I meant we make the explosion real.”
“And how do we avoid blowing ourselves up?”
“Hadn’t got that part worked out yet. Besides, I don’t see YOU offering any suggestions.”
Nothing.
“I’ve got it. Three parts sulfite, two parts sodium, thirty milligrams of magnesium and a flask full of hydrochloric acid.”
“One part sodium, sir,” Beak called out.
“Oh yes, that’s right, I always get that part wrong. Lucky for me my assistant is here.”
“Good for you. Now what will that do? Kill us quicker then Periwinkle?”
“If memory serves, it will create a quite large and powerful explosion that should give off enough toxic gas to knock out everyone in the room.”
“Including us?”
“You always see the negative side of things.”
“It’s called realism, Newt. Keeps me alive and in one piece.”
“I beg your pardon. I happen to be alive and in one piece as well.”
“Not for long if we can’t get this blasted formula to work.”
“Oh, bother.”
“I don’t hear any progress being made down there,” an insanely cheerful voice yelled, startling the both of them. Periwinkle gestured to his new hostages. “Have you made a decision yet?”
“We’ll make it work,” Newt hollered back before hauling the other kiwi back to the chalkboard.
“At last, we’re communicating. I should have been a motivational speaker. I wonder how well that pays. Oh well, stick to what you’re best at, I suppose. Now, what was I doing? Oh yes, admiring my newest acquisitions.” He picked up a short, cylindrical object. “Now, then, the guns and knives are obvious – fun, but obvious. However, this little number has me puzzled. Whom does this belong to?”
“That’s mine.”
“Beak, shut up!”
“Well he did ask nicely, Bob.”
BOOT.
“Ah, as mature as ever, Zero. So tell me - ‘Beak’, was it?”
“Yes?”
BOOT.
“What does this wonderful toy do?”
“Oh well, it…” BOOT.
“You know Bob, it’s very impolite to boot someone in the shin when they’re talking.”
BOOT.
“The knee as well.”
“If the three stooges are quite finished, I’d like an answer to my question.”
“What’s a stooge?”
BOOT.
“My. Question. Victims.”
“Oh yes.” A pause. “What was it again?”
With a snarl of rage, Periwinkle whipped a handgun up off the console before him and leveled it at the cluster of avians down below.
And then the honeycombed center of the domed glass ceiling above him exploded in a shower of broken glass, popped rivets, and outstretched talons. The shrieking scarlet missile behind said talons went straight for the startled madman’s widening eyes, catching him off-balance and sending the both of them tumbling over the dais’ railing in a flurry of talons and flight feathers.
“That’s the thing about Iiwi,” Ferdie remarked as the pair knocked down guards and landed with a whump! that sent Beak’s lightsaber spinning along the polished floor to the feet of its master, “Always knows how to make an entrance.”
************
“Get. In. The Airshaft,” Thera growled.
“It was your idea,” Ferdia met the skunk’s murderous gaze, “You do it.”
Off to the side, their partners shared a long-suffering look.
“Look,” Squeaks tried, “We need a diversion-”
Through the glass in the laboratory door’s window behind him came the crash of breaking glass as a flash of crimson burst into view and knocked Periwinkle to the ground while a host of startled guards turned to open fire.
“That’ll do,” he shrugged.
“Once more into the breach,” William shouted before diving through the double doors, the others at his heels.
“Had a first officer like him once,” Squeaks remarked.
“Oh? What happened?”
Scowl. “Marooned me.”
“Aaah. Well, in that case you take left and I’ll take the right.”
“No more witty banter!” Thera yelled before flinging herself full force into a pair of muskrats and banging them into the ground. “No more comic repartee!” Side-kick into a kneecap. “And if I so much as hear a wisecrack….” There was an audible snap of a broken arm as she dropped her victim to the ground and sprang onto another.
Meanwhile, Beak had freed himself with the lightsaber and was now untying the others while Bob took out his frustrations on every guard within booting range. Ferdie, once untied, dove for the nearest safe corner – namely the control consol - while the scientists took out their own latent frustrations by throwing acid on anyone who ventured near them.
“It’s just like high school chem.!”
“How did we ever make it out of that class with a passing grade?”
“Simple: the teacher was afraid of us.”
“Can’t imagine why; we only blew up the lab that one time.”
“And took half the school with it.”
“It needed to be remodeled anyway.”
“Including the tennis courts?”
“Suzy had it coming.”
Despite the chaos, the ensuing battle never went near the crimson ball of fury clawing at the bedraggled peacock in the middle of the lab. William got closest, only because they blocked the way to tables Newt and Joseph had been working at before the melee started. Pausing to release Leah, who liberated a guard of his brass knuckles before setting out to top Thera’s record for excessive force, the white mouse dumped several chemicals into an oversized beaker, stirred twice for good measure, dove beneath the nearest solid object, and began counting.
Around him, the battle raged on.
“Get off of me, you harpy!” Periwinkle shrieked, one hand shielding his eyes from sharpened talons while the other batted ineffectually at the Flier holding him pinned to the stone floor.
“I owe you for Ozzie, you monochromatic freak!” she screeched in response.
Beak ran by, lightsaber raised high above his head. “Vive la BaNAna!”
“AAAAHHHH! Get it off my leg!”
“Goodness, cousin, that one ate right through the floor.”
“Did it really? Fabulous! Hand me another vial of it, then; I want to see if I can hit that guy on the left.”
“HAH! Forty-six!”
“Are you actually keeping score in the middle of a battle?”
“Aren’t you?”
“Would *I* do something like that?”
“Only if *I* was winning.”
“Rats, I dented my pipe. Oh well.”
“I think that qualified as police brutality.”
“I won’t report it if you won’t.”
“Works for me.”
“My eyes!”
“Is anyone else concerned about the growing miasma over that table?”
“What color is it?”
“Paisley.”
“Oh, good. DUCK!”
“Where?”
SMACK!
“Watch where you’re swinging that!”
“What are you so worried about? I missed YOU.”
“Not. By. Much.”
“AAAH! The banter!”
FWOOSH!
SPARKLE!
BOOM!
The concussion from the final burst knocked everyone still standing to the ground.
************
“Okay, that has to be the signal!”
“Nah, interference from a weather balloon.”
THWACK.
“Fine, that can be the signal.”
************
The blast had knocked everyone to the ground, with the exception of Iiwi, who it sent hurtling across the room like an errant bit of paper, and the two individuals that had seen it coming (or in Ferdie’s case, happened to notice it brewing whilst hiding under a console table). Those already worse for the wear – namely, the guards – had for the most part been completely knocked unconscious; the rest of the squad simply lay quietly on the ground and waited for their ears to stop ringing.
Having himself known just exactly what it was that was coming, William had of course had more than ample time to fish out a pair of earplugs, and was thus the first to recover and begin moving about, knocking the last few guards unconscious, kicking away their weapons, handcuffing those still in good enough condition to consider moving…
…Getting cuffed upside the head by a rather miffed Squeaks…
At first, no one noticed that Periwinkle, despite his many cuts and gouges, had managed to get to his feet and begin staggering towards the console that had served as Ferdie’s hiding place. He’d managed to cover quite a bit of ground before Bob, who, being closer to the ground than most combatants (not that anyone’s insinuating any sort of diminutive stature), had thus suffered a bit less damage, spotted the villain. Though groggy, the yellow kiwi nonetheless managed to spring into Hero mode, lunging at the Foul Villain in an attempt to bring him down before anyone else could take the credit for his heroic rescue.
Unfortunately, Bob was just groggy enough that his aim was every so slightly off, sending our hero hurtling not into Periwinkle, but into Ferdie, just as the bluebird hauled himself out from under the console.
The console, having had quite enough of all this kicking and fighting and explosions and being used as a shield business, objected rather violently to suddenly having a bluebird tumble backward overtop of it, and promptly erupted in a temper-tantrum of electrical discharge which temporarily caused it to short out. But not before singeing said bluebird’s tail feathers. And, more importantly, not before said bluebird’s tumble managed purely by chance to trigger the security alarm. Immediately, a klaxon began to wail and red lights began flashing above the exits as steel pinions hydraulically slid into place, sealing the lab’s occupants in the room.
“Ha ha! You’re trapped now, foul fiend,” Bob crowed triumphantly.
“Can we drop the alliterations, Zero? I’ve got one zinger of a headache.”
“It is the ache of Justice, you…” whatever else the kiwi might have said was abruptly cut off as the end of a rope ladder broke through the rest of the punctured skydome and bonked him on the head.
“Hey doc,” Honey shouted from several dozen feet overhead. “You’ve got five seconds to get your pathetic tail feathers on this rope before we find out if prison gray is your color.”
Periwinkle, some latent survival instinct still intact, lunged for the last bar of the ladder, using Bob as a convenient stepstool. With the whir of helicopter blades, the ladder rose swiftly up, towing the villains out the shattered dome and into the inky blackness of the night beyond.
The various reactions of those left behind were fascinating to behold.
“This is not going in the official report,” Thera snapped at William before hauling herself up and striding to the door. One solid yank confirmed they were still sealed in.
At the foot of the wall the concussive blast had slammed her into, a still somewhat stunned Iiwi groaned and managed to roll over. “Uggh, what hit me?”
“The wall, Miss Iiwi,” Beak supplied helpfully as he pried Bob off the floor and shook the small yellow kiwi out of his daze.
“Thanks, Beak.”
Sarcasm rolls of some people like water off a duck’s back. Beak was one of such individuals. “Don’t mention it.”
“I won’t,” she replied, shaking out her wings and taking a few tentative limping steps towards the center of the room. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a tracking device I need to plant on a helicopter before passing out somewhere over the Pacific Ocean.” That said, she launched herself skyward, wingtips brushing the edges of the shattered skylight as she headed wobblingly out into the night air.
“Knows how to make an exit, too,” Ferdie muttered as he brushed glass from his feathers.
“More likely doesn’t want her name mentioned on the report,” Ferdia snorted, helping her partner off the ground. “How are your ears?”
“Bleeding.”
“My sympathies. At least they’ll stop ringing eventually.”
“Riiiight.”
“Before the rabid one-liners start again, I suggest we try and get out of here,” Thera called out, still testing the doors.
“Why don’t we just wait for whoever it was Locke was summing with that *ridiculously loud* blast of noise,” Squeaks growled testily.
“Oh, that was just a side effect. All I needed was the smoke it generated.”
“All the same, a warning would have been nice.”
“But then it wouldn’t have been nearly as effective as a surprise tactic.”
“Either way, the Calvary should be here soon,” Leah cut in. “They can get us out, then help dismantle this place looking for signs of Periwinkle’s destination.”
“At least the town is still intact. Periwinkle has a tendency to demolish his bases when he’s done with them. A real fan of scorched earth,” Ferdia grumbled, remembering the remains of Periwinkle’s past hideouts that she and her partner had visited. Periwinkle definitely had a thing against leaving evidence behind.
“Then he and Honey have more in common than I might have believed. Assassins should *not* be explosives experts.”
The control consol Ferdie was casually leaning on chirped back to life with a spark and let out a loud, unexpected, and strangely cheerful beep as a countdown appeared on its cracked screen in big red letters.
“WARNING, WARNING. REMOTE DETONATION SEQUENCE ACTIVATED. PERIMETER-WIDE EXTERMINATION IN FIVE MINUTES. GOOD LUCK.”
“Just had to go tempt the power of Worse, didn’t you,” Ferdie grumbled.
The coward’s calm reaction did nothing to placate Bob’s sudden concern. “I’m too cute to be exterminated! Somebody do something!”
“Can you cancel the sequence from that panel?” Squeaks called over to Ferdie as the cops strode over to the console.
“Not that I can see,” the flustered bluebird shook his head, “I can’t get a command prompt, let alone track the process.”
Across the room, the pair of scientists shared a look. “Do we have any acid left, Joe?”
“No,” Joseph shook his head as he surveyed what was left of the chemicals – which wasn’t much, given the fragile beakers’ close proximity to William’s makeshift signal flare and concussion grenade. “We used the last of it on that one guard who gave us the finger. And I’d say we could piece together an organic explosive, but the last of the nitro-sulfide just ate through the floor.”
“Darn the luck.”
“If only I still had my portable rocket launcher,” Thera grumbled from one of the doors, tugging on the steel pylons bolting it to its frame.
“Don’t blame me just because you left it in the car.”
“See, now, if you had given me one of those communicators, I could have melted down that wall already,” Ferdia chided her partner as Squeaks waved Ferdie away from the damaged console and began tugging off its front panel.
“If I had given *you* one of those communicators, you would have lobbed it at the first group of guards that came down the hallway.”
“Would not! …Well, probably not…maybe...”
“Say Bob,” Beak ventured, studying the battered steel walls and reinforced doors of the laboratory, “How thick do you think these walls are?”
“I don’t know, why?”
“Well, I was just thinking-”
“FOUR MINUTES REMAINING. YOU’RE STILL HERE?”
Ferdie fidgeted, glancing worriedly around the room as the cops alternated splicing wires and typing keystrokes on the console. “You know, as fascinating as watching the two of you thread your way through a sea of burnt-out wires is, the computerized voice has a point. If you’ll excuse me, I need to panic now.”
CLONK.
BAM.
SMASH.
“Well if the size of the dents Ferdie just put in the walls are any indication, I’d say we’ve got eight inch thick stone walls and three inch solid steel doors.”
“Ah, okay.” Beak wandered over to the nearest door and studied the pylons.
“Anybody bring a rope?” Leah queried. “Or see something we could use as one?”
“What exactly are you doing, Beak?”
“Trying to determine whether it would be easier to slice along the existing frame and through the steel bars on both the outside and the interior of the door, or just cut a whole new one, Bob.”
Leah paused in her examination of the lightsaber-shredded remains of the cords Periwinkle’s guards had bound them with. “I think the stress is starting to get to your friend.”
“THREE MINUTES AND COUNTING. I BET THOSE INTERNET WILLS ARE SOUNDING MUCH BETTER NOW.”
Ferdie resumed his full-throttle panic attack with renewed vigor. “YAAAAHHHHH!”
CLONK.
Beak frowned as his friend staggered back from a now slightly-dented steel door. “Friend Ferdie, that didn’t work the first time.”
“No, but I feel better.”
“Is there anyone else who can fly?”
“Not without several gallons of freshly-brewed coffee,” Ferdie deadpanned, glancing over at Bob.
The ground began to shake as distant explosions rocked the base.
“Hey, what gives?” Ferdie demanded indignantly, “We’re still supposed to have a good three minutes!”
“Unless of course they’re trying to lull us into a false sense of security.”
Ferdie mulled that over. “Point. YAAAAAHHHHH!”
THUNK.
“Friend Ferdie, you found stress fracture in the bars! Thank you!”
“No problem, Beak. You’re both quite welcome.”
There was a low hum as Beak switched on the device in his hand and began slicing through the dented metal bars and the along the seal where door met frame. It was a bit like watching a child take a butter knife a frozen block of fudge, but it did appear to be working. Slowly.
“You mean you had a blowtorch all this time and didn’t say anything?!?” Leah fumed, fighting the urge to deck the big dumb lout.
Beak paused. “Well, it’s not really a blowtorch, exactly…”
“Beak!” Bob squawked, “Forget the chit-chat and cut faster!”
“TWO MINUTES LEFT. MAKE PEACE WITH WHATEVER GOD YOU BELIEVE IN.”
Ferdie abandoned his attempts at breaking down the doors and began steadily clawing at one instead.
Sensing the need for his uniquely heroic talents, Bob began to run around screaming. (What? Someone had to do it…)
“Anyone mind if I hit him?” Thera queried. “No? Great.”
THUNK.
And Bob graduated to the heroic task of lying on the floor unconscious.
There was a metallic clang as Beak finished carving along the frame of the door and gave the glowing-edged cutout a shove. Nothing happened. The brown kiwi took a step back and threw his entire weight against the door.
“Problems?” Ferdie asked Beak, surprised to see someone besides himself bounce off a solid object.
“It appears to be wedged in by its own weight,” Beak frowned.
“It’s stuck?” Ferdie clarified.
“I’m afraid so, Friend Ferdie.”
“ONE MINUTE REMAINING. SUCKS TO BE YOU.”
“There’s nothing worse than being mocked by a mechanized voice,” William.
“At least it’s a pre-recorded message and not an off-the-cuff jibe from a sentient computer virus with a penchant for Showtunes,” Squeaks replied from his position at the keyboard.
“YAAAAAAAAAAH!!!”
CLONK.
POP.
THUD.
The force of the bluebird hurtling at full, panic-induced tilt into the perforated steel proved more than enough to jar it loose from the rest of the wall and send it toppling out onto the ground.
“Freedom!” he cheered from where he lay atop the defunct door.
“Fabulous. Now all we have to do is get off the grounds in the time remaining,” Leah growled, snatching up a discarded knife.
“I have faith in my skills at the hundred-yard dash,” the coward replied.
“THIRTY SECONDS REMAINING. IF ONLY I’D HAD TIME TO INSTALL THAT WEB-CAMERrrrrr…” the voice ground to a halt, making a noise much like that of a record player winding down.
“No! I need my readouts!” Ferdie yelped, “I want to enjoy every last second of-”
“NINE MINUTES REMAINING.”
Thera paused. “Wait. What the hell?”
“Perhaps this is that ‘new math’ the media keeps talking about?” Beak ventured.
“No,” Squeaks glanced up from the console, “That’s the most I can tweak the algorithm without a compiler. The sequence can’t handle more than a single-digit minute value without overrunning its buffers and crashing the system, and it’s always difficult to predict how detonation sequences will react to that sort of thing.”
Silence.
“You hacked the system?”
Smirk.
“Why didn’t you do that sooner?!?”
Squeaks shrugged. “Took me a while to recognize the language. I learned on far more robust systems than these; Assembly is damned near Sanskrit as far as I’m concerned.”
Thera muttered something about needing to forcibly commit certain individuals into an asylum for compulsive banterers. “All right, that’s it – I’m going home. Now. Grab who you can carry and let’s go, people!”
That said, the skunk began dragging the nearest guard to the open doorway.
“Can I be of some assistance,” Xiao called out as he suddenly appeared in the doorway in front of her.
“My hero. Take this,” she heaved the guard at him and turned back for another. “This whole place is set to blow in nine minutes so-”
“WARNING! SELF-DESTRUCTION IMMINENT IN EIGHT MINUTES. NICE WORKING WITH YOU.”
“Fine then, *eight* minutes!”
Xiao was already on the radio calling in the retreat while everyone grabbed what they could carry and bolted for safety. More men met them along the way as Bob (having regained consciousness via a handy smack upside the head courtesy of Beak – who was promptly booted for his kindness) and company jogged down corridors, heading for the nearest exit.
Ferdie burst through the doors first, completely unappreciative if the irony of the coward of the group being the one on point. Whatever victory cry he might have uttered died into a strangled squawk when he beheld the sheer amount of military hardware aimed at them.
“Some people get all the good toys,” Ferdia muttered as Newt whistled.
“You weren’t kidding about your friends calling out the cavalry for you, cousin.”
“Does anyone else have anything witty to say,” Thera snapped, aiming a glare at her partner while the captives were quickly restrained and loaded up for transport.
“Somebody needs a vacation.” This was said with an almost innocent air.
“I’m not riding with you, mostly because killing you would involve too much paperwork. I’ll find my own way back to California.”
“And how do you prose to do that?” William countered. “Not even you can walk that far.”
The skunk eyed the nearest tank. “I’m thinking of taking one of those.”
“Thera, those are ours. You can’t go stealing our own property.”
“Watch me, Normandy.”
************
In the end, Thera shot no one (though she did bruise a few of the prisoners); however, they were all taken back to the Agency headquarters for a thorough debriefing. Xiao was kind enough to have them all checked out by the medical personnel, who handed out large quantities of aspirin like it was Halloween candy before leading them to yet another large conference room where the party would be comfortable. Most of the agents were already waiting for them there - including Drew, who was much more subdued since Thera’s offer to toss him out a window and see if he bounced.
The chipmunk ushered everyone to a seat before addressing the entire room. “I’ve already read the fascinating piece of fiction my agents sent ahead under the title of ‘Official Mission Report’ and, despite what they think, I can read between the lines.”
Beak raised his hand. “You can? Could you teach me? I have no idea how to do it, but Bob says it’s a skill I need to learn.”
Thera visibly twitched and muttered something about the window.
Drew just stared for a moment. “Uh… anyway. As I was saying, a few things were quite clear. First, Periwinkle got away, along with any connection to the west coast mafia we might have had.”
“Is he talking about Ivan?” Beak whispered to Bob.
“Shut up, Beak.”
“But Miss Iiwi said – “
“Shut. Up. Beak.”
“A mad scientist of this caliber still at large poses a significant threat to – “
“But he didn’t get the formula,” Newt cut in. “Not that it worked, anyway.”
William cleared his throat. “Uh, Joseph, you are aware that Periwinkle didn’t want the fuel, he was looking for the explosive compound you created by accident.”
“Oh.” Both kiwis just sat in silence for a moment. “Well, then, he should have just said so,” Newt grumbled. “I could have whipped up something far more powerful than that in a few hours. Could have made it unstable enough to blow up in his face the first time he used it, too.”
“Isn’t that normal for you?” his cousin growled.
“Yes, but sometimes it’s on purpose,” Beak added helpfully.
“Ah yes, my cousin the mad scientist.”
“Not everyone has federal funding, you know!”
“Gentlemen,” Drew snapped, visibly quelling his rage. “If we’re done bickering like kindergarteners, I’d like to continue.” Dead silence. “As I was saying, we lost Periwinkle, but at least he got away empty-handed.”
“I thought he got away in a helicopter.”
BOOT.
“Don’t mind him.” Bob waved for Drew to continue again.
Drew twitched. “You did recover both missing scientists, which was the main objective, not to mention the destruction of his base should leave Periwinkle hurting for a while, if his employers don’t see to it themselves.”
“Could we actually be getting a ‘you done good’ speech,” ‘Dios wondered out loud before ducking the paperweight that came flying at him.
“Is that what one of those sounds like,” Ferdia mused. “Sounds an awful lot like those ‘what the hell did you do, I have the mayor on line three’ lectures we tend to get.”
“In certain levels of law enforcement, it’s necessary to couch your praise in levels of criticism,” William sagely advised.
“Is the chipmunk armed?” Ferdie quietly asked from beneath the conference table.
“We’re too valuable to worry about things like that,” Rami assured him.
“I used to think that too until somebody ate my car!”
“There’s a story behind that one, I just know it.”
“Yes, there is. There’s a moral, too - never piss off a Vorschlag demon.”
Something solid slammed down on the table before Drew growled. “The point is, yes, you did ‘do good,’ despite outside influences.”
“Is he talking about us?”
“Beak, do you want to get shot?”
“In fact, and I will *never* say this again, we owe the civilians a thank you.”
“The kind you can spend?”
“Ferdia, please, this sort of thing is hard for the military,” Squeaks smirked.
“But they’re not military. They’re feds.”
“Even so.”
“He didn’t choke. I’d almost be proud of him if I didn’t suspect he spent several hours in front of the mirror rehearsing that part.”
“Thera!”
“I only say it because it’s true.”
Even William looked mildly impressed.
“You’ve been a bad influence,” Xiao whispered to the mouse.
“That’s it! All of you out, meeting over, mission complete - show the civilians to the gate and no one go near my office for the next few hours. Goodbye!”
“That went surprisingly well,” Ferdia stated.
************
“It really was awful nice of them to fix Miss Bobetta’s car while we were away,” Beak observed from the backseat of the pink Cadillac as Newt snored tiredly beside him.
“I think it’s more of a subtle plea to never go near them again,” Ferdie countered, studying the map as the trio sped down the coastal highway against the glowing colors of the sunset. “Either that, or it was cheaper than paying our air fare and Bob’s death benefits.”
“But Bob’s not dead,” Beak frowned, “Are you, Bob?”
“What Mr. About-To-Ride-Home-In-The-Trunk is trying to say, Beak, is that they realized my darling sweetums would be quite upset if we returned her car to her all broken up from that tree branch that fell on it.”
“Only the tree branch?”
“There’s room in the trunk for you too, you know...”
************
“Actually, that was probably the best example of inter-agency cooperation I’ve seen in a while,” Ferdia observed as the flight attendants passed out crackers and soda. “I mean, we’re gonna have to spend the better part of a day sweeping our pads and the precinct for bugs, but at least they let us in on the action eventually. Even paid to fly us home.”
“Considering the bike is a smoldering pile of wreckage at the foot of some mountain in Canada, I’d have to agree,” Squeaks nodded. “What’s the news on Iiwi? She make it back safely?”
Ferdia shrugged. “She’s a smart bird; I’m sure she had someone waiting to pick her up a few miles off the coast. I’m impressed she showed up at all, given the amount of feds crawling about the woods out there.”
“She’s got too much of an axe to grind to pass up a shot at Periwinkle once she knows where to find him. Though I suspect the agents’ presence may have put a dampener on her original intentions.”
Silence. It was a rather late flight after an unusually long day, after all, and the small passenger jet was empty of all but a few weary business travelers who couldn’t care less what the two rather bedraggled-looking cops were talking about.
“Any idea what we’re going to tell the Chief?” Ferdia ventured. Obviously the truth was out; the Chief might very well burst a blood vessel if word got out that their inter-agency case had taken them across national borders in addition to outside of their home district. Mentioning Periwinkle would probably also be a bad move, seeing as how the peacock had managed to get away. Maybe the feds could see past something like that, but the Chief was sure to fixate on it.
“I plan on sticking to the facts,” her partner yawned, “We’ve retrieved our missing persons, shut down a major base of criminal activity, and done it all without any damage to city property.”
Ferdia mulled that over for a moment. “He’ll never buy it.”
“No, and that’s when we throw in the part about destroying a private vehicle during the course of the investigation, which makes it the department’s liability to replace.”
“Now, that he’ll believe.”
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THE END
(Thank the gods, the creativity demons, the muses, and all the caffeine in between…)
-Jennies and Plague, signing off.
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| Back to Part 8 | Run While You Can! |
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